Rites of Patches

Obama: Good evening, America. I called this press conference to sincerely apologize for my comment made on NBC’s Late Show in which I made fun of the Special Olympics. (Starts Sweating) I mean, it wasn’t nice, and…uhhhh…I have nothing but the greatest respect for the retards that, FUCK! Uhhhhhhhh…….Ummm… Children with learning disabilities are special human beings, who make up for their lack of brains with bigger hearts. And love, Ummm…And, uhhhh, I mean the Special Olympics are real sports too. Yeah! With running and basketball, and none of those homo sports like badminton! Aw, son of a fucking bitch…

Craps Brick

Obama: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..

DISTANT VOICE: Hello, Camera! Over Here!

Palin: President Obama, your recent joke is the least humorous quip in recent memory. I love my child with Down’s Syndrome. I would never belittle the contributions of the learning disabled, because you see, I have a child with Down’s Syndrome. The entire special needs community is united behind me in disappointment in your comments. And again, remember that I have a child with Down’s Syndrome. Which is why the community is united be hind me. Child with Down’s Syndrome. I brought a very special friend with me to give you a special message, Mr. President. His name is Teddy.

Teddy: Hello.
Palin: Go ahead, Teddy. Just like I told you.
Teddy: (Silence)
Palin: Don’t be bashful, Teddy. Go ahead (nervously scans room)

Nom Nom Nom Nom

Palin: Fucking-A, Teddy. TELL OBAMA HE IS INSENSITIVE JUST LIKE I FUCKING COACHED YOU!
Teddy: Aren’t you the mean lady who let supporters shout hate crimes at the president?

Obama: (Sneaking out of room) I should keep her around more often…