Posted by: Rites of Patches | March 6, 2007

Conversations that Became Awkward without Me Realizing It

Yeah, the St. Joe Meat Market is great, I agree. Don’t worry about your groceries. We’ll get them all to fit. I have huge trunk. Yeah, you can fit a lot of stuff in my trunk. Just the other day my friend Andy shoved a whole lot in there. Yes, sir! Lots of meat can fit in this guy’s trunk. Andy fit all of his meat in my trunk the other night and that man’s got some meat to pack! Yes, Sir-rie Bob, that was lots of sausage! You seem flush. Is it too hot in here, ladies? I can turn down the heater? No? Okay then, back to the monastery, sisters!

That reminds me of something funny I thought of once. I remember this one fundraiser one time. I looked at it and it just clicked that there wasn’t something right about it. It said “Pancakes for Parkinson’s.” And I was like “Why are we having a fundraiser FOR Parkinson’s. We should be trying to have fundraisers to FIGHT Parkinson’s.” Oh, I enjoyed a good chortle after that one. You see, it’s just a bit ironic and all…. So anyways, where was I? Oh, yes! Michael J. Fox’s eulogy.

Okay, students. This is going to be awkward for all of us. We are going to talk about some things that might make you uncomfortable, so be prepared. As you can tell from these anatomically correct dolls, the erect penis, or phallus, is inserted into the female’s vagina. The main thing for the guy to keep in mind is to try and find the clitoris. That is the pleasure center of the female. Any classy guy will try and find the clitoris in order to make sex enjoyable for the female too. Moving on to a few other tricks. One of my favorites is called The Walrus. Now, with the Walrus- What was that, Timmy? No, we’ll get back to the ABC’s after nap time, okay?

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